Rags to Riches & Back Again - My Deeply Personal Money Story

When you go from rags to riches, like I did, you never for a moment think you can lose it all. But I did! All of it!

In this episode of the Money, Mindset and Manifestation podcast, I want to share my deeply personal money story with you in the hope that you will learn some valuable lessons from it and to prompt you to start thinking about your own money story and how that has impacted your life.

So what is a money story?

Your money story is made up of the memories and beliefs you have about money, many of which were formed in early childhood and which go on to impact us for the rest of our lives.

First, I'm going to share my story and then I'm going to share the lessons I've learned so that you can learn from the mistakes I've made. Let's dive in, shall we.

I came from a very educated but very middle-class Indian family. My father was a doctor and two of my brothers are doctors as well, with one being a highly-qualified specialist in his field.

My father died when I was 5 years old and I was raised by my mother and eldest brother.

Money was never openly discussed in my childhood home, but I grew up with a sense and a belief that money and good things in life were for other people, not someone like me.

I was also raised in a very misogynistic household where my mother passed on the beliefs she had inherited from her father - that women should not earn money and that girls should be raised to be passive and subservient.

I had no role models of strong, independent women in my childhood and the women who did work did so out of necessity.

Unlike my brothers, I wasn't allowed to pursue a higher education so I married straight out of High School.

My husband had no formal education either. For the first decade of our marriage, he moved from one low-paying job to another and we lived mostly hand to mouth.

I wore other people's hand-me-downs and I thought that this life of lack and limitation was my destiny.

I still carried this deep-seated belief that money and all good things in life, like beautiful clothing, travel and loving relationships, were for other people, not for me.

Things were made worse by the fact that it was an emotionally and physically abusive marriage. I had zero skills and only a high-school education and I felt trapped in this marriage with no way out.

We went through some really tough times financially, including living on charity and handouts, and taking bread and milk on credit from the small Mom and Pop store down the road just so that we could feed our kids.

At one point, we were selling homemade sauces at a local weekend fleamarket, just to put food on the table.

When I say that I come from humble beginnings, I'm not kidding.

Everything changed around 12 years into our marriage when my then mother-in-law, who was fairly well-off, lent my husband some money to start his own business.

By the Grace of God, everything just took off from there.

Two years later, we purchased what was at that time, my dream home - 6 bedrooms, a massive garden for the kids to play in and a pool. My children thrived in the new neighbourhood and our home soon became the popular hangout spot on the weekend.

It was a busy, chaotic time and I loved it. Other than my marriage, everything in my life was amazing and things just kept getting better.

Two years after moving into our new home, we took our first overseas trip to Malaysia. I had never been overseas before and this was a huge milestone for me.

Six months after that, we took our first trip to the US, to Disney World in Florida and to Miami. Disney World has been a dream of mine ever since childhood and cried tears of joy on my first trip there.

Two to three trips overseas soon became the norm and something I absolutely loved.

My husband's business continued to grow and expand, first one site, then two, three and eventually five gas stations, four in South Africa and one in the US.

At that point, we had opened up a business in the US with the intention to immigrate and we soon had two six-bedroom homes on two different continents - one in our home country of South Africa and one in Tampa, Florida.

We travelled between the two countries, staying for several months in each.

It was also at this point in my life that I developed an interest in blogging and online marketing and started a little side hustle that brought in a few hundred dollars a month.

I didn't really feel the need to grow my business beyond that because my husband's business was doing so well.

I could buy whatever I wanted whenever I wanted. Now I was not a big shopper by any means and I'm still not, but it was wonderful to be able to buy whatever I wanted, after having gone without for so long.

I had experienced a level of wealth and abundance that I never, in my wildest dreams thought was ever possible for me.

When you go from rags to riches like I did, you never think you can lose it all.

But we did. All of it!

It started a few months after we moved into a 10,000-square-foot mansion in one of the most sought-after suburbs in South Africa.

My husband started having an affair with an 18-year-old girl who was working for him. He was 45 years old at the time.

Looking back, I can pinpoint the beginning of his affair with a decline in our bank account. This young woman began stealing from our business and within 6 months, the business that was once thriving, began to operate at a loss.

My marriage, which was already bad to begin with, fell apart at the seams.

My husband stopped supporting me and the kids, stopped paying school fees, stopped buying groceries or paying for utilities.

I went from buying whatever I wanted whenever I wanted, to only be able to buy enough food for the day.

My entire life was falling apart and had it not been for God's Grace, I would have fallen apart too.

It was at this point in my life that I discovered coaching. Through coaching, I discovered my own worth and value and built a new identity for myself as a strong, powerful and independent woman.

I found the strength to kick my husband out and I became a coach and started my own coaching business. Soon after, I pursued further training and became a coach trainer, and leveraging what I learned about online marketing I launched South Africa's first online Life Coaching School.

And no, I didn't become a millionaire in 6 months.....things actually got worse....a lot worse!

Six months after I kicked my husband out, he was killed in a robbery outside the business.

At that point, we were separated, but not yet divorced.

He died leaving behind more than $500,000 in debt. Thankfully we were able to cover that by selling his assets.

And that beautiful 10,000-square-foot mansion? That was repossessed because he had defaulted on the insurance payments.

But I had also accumulated a lot of personal debt during that time and in the few years following his death.

One of the primary reasons was that I was still living above my means even though I had cut down on expenses dramatically.

Not to mention that everything was different now that I was the breadwinner. All my fears about money and all my issues around my own self-worth reared their heads.

It required me to dig deep, to strengthen my relationship with God and to play bigger than I had ever dreamt possible for myself.

What came out of that was a new me that was unrecognizable...stronger, more confident and more capable than I had ever thought I could be.

I gradually came to terms with the loss that I had faced and I began to rebuild both my life and my finances.

Now, seven years down the line, I'm making well over six-figures, and at the time of this recording, steadily chipping away at my debt and I hope to be debt-free within the next two years.

I'm still not where I want to be financially, but I've made incredible progress in the past few years, going from a dependant stay-at-home mom to a six-figure coach and I know that with God's Grace, I will reach those goals too.

And through this podcast, I hope to take you along on this journey to becoming wealthy and financially free, sharing the lessons and insights that I learn along the way.

So let's take a step back and share some of the core lessons I've learned from my money story.

Lesson One: Always Control Your Own Financial Well-Being

Never, ever let someone else be 100% in control of your financial well-being, because the person who controls the purse strings controls your life...whether you realize it or not.

Your financial well-being is your responsibility and in this podcast I will show you how to take control of your money so that you are responsible for your financial well-being.

Lesson Two: Keep Your Emotions Out of It

Making financial decisions based solely on emotions and wishful thinking can lead to dire consequences.

One of the mistakes I made that I mentioned earlier in the podcast, was living beyond my means because I could not face the reality that I had lost everything.

When my home was repossessed, I moved into a smaller home, but the rent was still twice what I could realistically afford.

That meant that a large portion of my income was going toward rent, utilities and expenses instead of going back into building my business.

The lack of available cash flow slowed the growth of my business and I estimate that it's cost me at least half a million dollars in lost revenue. A huge mistake and one that I will not repeat.

The lesson I learned from this is to always make financial decisions in the cold, harsh light of reality. And yes, facing our current financial reality may not be fun, and it may even be painful, but it's absolutely essential if you're ever going to change it.

Lesson Three: You are Capable of So Much More Than You Ever Imagined.

And the final lesson, and this one is huge, is that you are capable of so much more than you ever imagined.

I didn't leave my abusive marriage for over two decades because I didn't believe that I could stand on my own two feet financially.

But the capacity to become financially independent was always within me....I just had to recognize and nurture it.

And that applies to you too. You are capable of far more than you realize.

I believe that if you truly desire something, then God has placed within you the ability to achieve that goal.

So let's quickly recap the three lessons. Lesson number one is to always be in control of your own financial well-being, or at the very least, be an active participant in it. Lesson two is to keep your emotions out of it and make financial decisions based on the facts. And the third lesson is that you are capable of so much more than you realize.

That brings us to the end of the very first episode. What lessons and insights did you gain?

I'd love to hear your thoughts.

This week, take some time to think about your money story and the lessons you can learn from it and I'll see you in the next episode.

Thank you for listening. I appreciate you.

Bye!